This moment triggers my memory of the 1938 Knickerbocker Holiday premier in New York City, where I was born in 1924. In my life’s springtime then, I was captivated by the musical’s song about an older man wooing a young woman. “Life,” he intoned, “is a long passage from a youthful May to the December of life’s end.” He wanted precious time with the show’s star. My star, Lee, is now 94, and I am her centenarian caregiver. It is a labor of love.

Back from the gazebo, we sit in our apartment, in precious aloneness. November’s fleeting days are evident on a wall calendar that will soon advance. It hangs near photos and mementos from years past.

When I joined the U.S. Army in 1943 after high school graduation, I had no idea of the impact dementia would have on my “third act.” Back then, my life’s story was not yet written. One chapter includes my wartime assignment to a convoy that moved in 1945 from New Guinea up through the Philippine Islands to Manila.

After the war, I met my first wife, Amelita, at Catholic University of America in Washington, D.C. After marrying, we had two children and divorced in 2005. In 2023, death came calling. That fateful year, my beloved daughter died, my son suffered a heart attack, and their mother passed away from dementia. My son’s sudden illness brought back memories of our family’s earlier years, including four I spent designing and fabricating exhibits for the Smithsonian Institution, a national treasure in our nation’s capital.

I’ve enjoyed many treasures and am grateful, but more than any accolades or grand experiences, including my glimpse on a trip of the fabled and wondrous Treasury of Petra in Jordan, my greatest treasure has been Lee. We returned today to “her” gazebo, savoring the fading light. I sighed, not with regret, but from the presence of a terrible mind thief.

As I help Lee to bed this evening, I know that the December of life’s end will eventually come. We cannot know who will leave first, but I pray that we see one last sunray through the trees turn “Lee’s Gazebo” golden. Please, dear Powers of the Universe, may December not linger—let it be mercifully brief.

Barbara K. Cleary is a graduate of the City University of New York and publishes an international education blog http://attentionology.com. She has conducted writing workshops and programs to entertain and inspire adults in regional retirement communities since 2005. She has also produced radio programming, including The Medical Minute, for the North Carolina News Network. Cleary’s awards include the North Carolina Governor’s Business Award and a National Top Ten Business Woman award.

Information on Dementia:

• Dementia diagnoses affect some 10 percent of the U.S. adult population in 2025. (Source: Centers for Disease Control and Prevention)

• In 2019, an estimated 5 million Americans are living with dementia, and this number is projected to nearly double to over 10 million by 2050, .(Source: The Lancet, Vol 7, Feb 2022))

• After age 55, four in 10 adults are likely to develop some form of dementia. (Source: Nature Medicine Journal, January, 2025)

The post November Song—Walter Marinetti’s Story appeared first on 3rd Act Magazine.

Pickleball is fast, fun, loud, and accessible to people of all ages. It is much easier than tennis, more fun than badminton, and more competitive than almost any other small-group sport. It is particularly exciting for the 50-80-year-old crowd for a number of reasons: It helps promote good balance, provides a good cardio workout, and improves eye/hand coordination.  

But injuries are common. In 2021, 86 percent of emergency room visits caused by pickleball injuries occurred in people over 60 years old. Why? 

The usual answers are poor preparation, poor stretching, more ego than skill, lack of warmup, hard court surfaces, and the high competitiveness of the games. There’s no question that warming up before any sport, slowly stretching the tissues that are about to get ballistically stretched, curbing one’s ego, and setting realistic goals are all helpful. 

However, the number one reason I see pickleball injuries (and from most sports) is mental errors. These errors start before the games. The distractions of work, relationships, and the politics of teammates all clutter the mind of the soon-to-be injured athlete.  

Next is the impatience to get the game going. Like the golfer who rushes from work to the tee, skipping the practice range, the first swings are erratic. Without being in the groove, the miscoordination of the body’s musculature causes the back to over-rotate, the shoulder to awkwardly thrust forward, and the calf, quad, and hamstring muscles to fire out of sync.  

The errors pile up. Failing to take into account how much your ankles bend, how well your knees flex (and how far they flex), how tight your hips are, and how stiff your back and shoulders are, you wind up and swing for the overhead, only to hear the fateful “pop” of something that has just torn. 

The distractions occur not just at the beginning of the game. As the points add up the heart rate climbs and fatigue sets in. But victory seems so close! The game is just too much fun and too exciting for everyone to just take a minute, take inventory of their bodies, and adjust their pace. Hormonal rushes of adrenaline, testosterone, pheromones, and endorphins obscure any hope of rational caution and metered play. Treating the injury, I invariably hear, “I knew I shouldn’t have…” 

Our minds know our bodies. The number one way to prevent a pickleball injury is to think—to be smart, be aware, and be present in your body. And to move in the ways you can, rather than in the fantasies you have. 

Kevin R. Stone, MD, is an orthopaedic surgeon at The Stone Clinic and Chairman of the StoneResearch Foundation. Trained at Harvard University in both internal medicine and orthopaedic surgery and at Stanford University in general surgery, he is a world-renowned expert in biologic joint replacement. He is the best-selling author of Play Forever. Dr. Stone has served the U.S, Ski Team, the U.S. Pro Ski Tour, the Marin Ballet, the Smuin Ballet, the Modern Pentathlon at the U.S. Olympic Festival, and the U.S. Olympic Training Center.  

Rev It Up and Move More

What the Heck is Pickleball?

The post How to Not Get Hurt Playing Pickleball appeared first on 3rd Act Magazine.

   I see life as a journey by foot through time. 

   Is there such a thing as a “pilgrim gene?” Travel writer and novelist Bruce Chatwin wrote of the “sacramental” aspect of walking. These days, a lot gets written about its therapeutic value for seniors like myself. 

   I have never given much thought to the practical benefits of my obsession. The post-war Bronx, New York, where I grew up, was haunted by a hushed word: Holocaust. No Jewish home was without it, without the distancing silence it opened up between parents and children, the loneliness contained in the unexplained. 

   I walked to get away from it, to map with my feet something that was my own, unshadowed: the soft spring light on gray buildings, the delicious silence of snow, the daggered wind. I bravely absorbed the wind. The wind absorbed me. Every gust I felt in my travels seemed a continuation of those first gusts in the Bronx. 

  Walking was the incubator of imagination. I’d find myself with Huck Finn, on his raft, navigating the Mississippi. Walking, you might say, on water. Passing the Chinese takeout as we oared deeper into the great river. 

   I was 80 when COVID hit. An inauspicious time to be an incorrigible walker. New York residents bandied back and forth a brand-new word—lockdown. Everyone was urged to remain housebound. Virtually all work places, including public libraries, and my Poets House, were shut down.  

  Immobility was more fearful to me than possible death. Immobility was death. Every morning I took my backpack and went out in search of a writing refuge. I’d pass block after block of empty streets and shops. The feeling of having wound up on an abandoned Hollywood movie set: New York at the end-of-days. 

   My shadow was the only shadow I encountered. If I cried out, no one would hear me. 

   After much searching, I found what I was looking for: a bench along one of the promontories of the Hudson River. I still go there to write. The joggers have returned. The yellow kayaks are back in the water. The past is back as though it had never been away.  

   I still remember stopping cold in the middle of a line. I’d be sitting in the sun, in the cool breeze of the river, hand poised dynamically in midair, and be jolted by the sudden awareness that all over the city old people like myself were lying stiff on gurneys.  

   Why them and not me? Who does the cosmic math that decides such things? Who turns the sun toward my face and away from theirs? 

   I’d walk back home slowly, my shame leaning heavily against my feet. Survivor shame. The shame my family felt towards relatives who disappeared into ditches in Poland. Gone one day as if they’d never been. 

   When the war ended, there was an outbreak of desperate walking throughout Europe. 

People looking for their past, for people who were part of their past, for homes and neighborhoods and hopes that needed to be reclaimed, or finally put to rest.  

   Sometimes, walking in my old neighborhood, walking is the only familiar thing I find. New layers of ethnic skin have grown over the old. New histories have replaced the old. After a while, even the soft edges of one’s nostalgia are blunted. You can’t outwalk loss. Losing, as the poet Elizabeth Bishop wrote, is an art. One that isn’t hard to master. It takes practice, she said. Aging gives us many opportunities for mastery. 

   I have lived for the past half century on Manhattan’s Lower East Side. Since COVID, one sees fewer old people in the streets. There is an emptiness beneath the sheltering trees of the Village View housing complex where many seniors live. The habit of indoor living is like any other habit. It revolves around itself. It atrophies itself from what is not itself. It sees the outside world from within, and pronounces it dangerous. 

  At Village View there lives a woman, who like myself, turned 85 last year. She leaves her house only to shop, to go to the doctor. When we were young, we were lovers and great friends, and the cafes and movie theaters we walked to were the extensions of our love.  

   Visiting her, I connect with the strange intimacy of walking. We didn’t walk as far as we thought we would. In my dreams, I walk without stopping. I am always walking. 

Robert Hirschfield is a New York-based writer and poet. He has spent much of the last five years writing and assembling poems about his mother’s Alzheimer’s. In 2019, Presa Press published a volume of his poems titled, The Road to Canaan. His work has appeared in Parabola, Tricycle, Spirituality & Health, Sojourners, The Moth (Ireland), Tears in The Fence (UK) and other publications.      

A New Friend for The Long Journey — 3rd Act Magazine

Diana Nyad and Bonnie Stoll Want to Take You for a Walk — 3rd Act Magazine

Richard Lewis: Drawing Water from The Children’s Well — 3rd Act Magazine

The post A Walking Life appeared first on 3rd Act Magazine.

If you want to start a lively conversation with a group of people over age 65, ask someone about their sleep. I’d place a bet on hearing the variety of mainly difficult experiences represented in any given group.  

While that discussion might just give you the tip you need for a good night’s sleep, I have a new favorite topic for discussion, which elicits more curiosity than sad stories: I ask how people get the necessary amount of protein in their diets.  

According to AARP, older adults need to have more protein than most earlier guidelines suggest. Their recommendations: 

• At least 25 grams for women and 30 grams for men of protein per meal. 

• At least 5 grams for women and 10 grams for men of protein per snack. 

For most of us, that represents far more protein than we regularly have.  

To add to the equation, not all proteins are equal. “Perfect Proteins’ have all nine essential amino acids. The good news is that there are more sources of protein than most of us know, spanning the spectrum from animal to plant-based to supplemental.  

Remember how eggs were excommunicated because of their cholesterol content? They are now rehabilitated and show up on the top of the list of proteins that qualify as complete proteins.  

These Top 10 protein sources will fuel and energize your path toward optimal wellness.  

1. Eggs 

1. Lean chicken 

1. Greek Yogurt 

1. Salmon 

1. Lean Beef 

1. Lentils 

1. Quinoa 

1. Chickpeas 

1. Tofu 

1. Pistachios 

A recent addition to protein-rich pantry staples is an expanded variety of canned fish. You’ll find Harissa and other spice mix varieties, smoked, and fish packed in water or oil. Sardines are among the most nutrient-rich proteins you can find. Smoked trout and mackerel, salmon, and of course tuna add healthy protein to salads, spreads, and as toppings for pasta. Do a web search for sardines and pasta and you’ll be impressed by the many delectable variations.  

Two easy ways to up your protein intake start with eggs. Frittatas and quiches can include multiple protein sources along with vegetables and preferred seasonings. Leftover meats, cheeses, yogurt, and other dairy added to the egg mixture will boost the protein count and deliver sustenance and satisfaction.  

Eggs also make an easy topping for beans and grains, whether poached, fried, or hard boiled. They can go in salads, casseroles, or top roasted sheet pan mixtures. 

Chickpeas can be roasted with salmon or chicken to add more protein along with texture.  

The many things you can do with tofu span the range from stir-fry and baked to whipped tofu to use as a dip or spread.  

One other staple that adds variety to diets is hummus made from beans and lentils.  

The recipes below are easy and delicious and will help up your daily protein intake. 

Anytime Frittata 

This recipe demonstrates my basic approach to food. I see what I have in my refrigerator, freezer, or pantry and go to work. I live alone, so whatever I make I plan to get at least two meals out of it.  

Once you realize the versatility of frittatas, they will become among the go-to meals for whipping up something in a hurry.   

Ingredients for base: 

• 2-3 potatoes (leftovers work well), cut into ½ in dice,  

• 1 onion, chopped 

• 2 c. washed greens (spinach, kale, chard, or mixture) 

• ¼ c. chopped sun dried tomatoes or olives (or both) 

• 1 c. mushrooms – Trader Joe’s has a terrific frozen mushroom mixture that just needs heating 

• 1 c. protein: diced chicken, bacon, cooked edamame or any other protein you have on hand 

• Salt and pepper to taste 

Ingredients for egg and cheese layer: 

• 4 eggs 

• 2 T milk or cream 

• 2 T chopped fresh herbs – dill and tarragon are both terrific with eggs –  

• 1 tsp. of dried oregano or basil  

• 1 c. grated cheese (cheddar, feta, swiss, jack, or crumbled goat cheese; can use separately or mix together)

Directions

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. In a 10” oven-safe frying pan, sauté potatoes and onions until the potatoes are cooked through and the onions translucent. Add the other ingredients and let cook for a few minutes until the greens are wilted and cooked, and the rest of the ingredients heated through. 

Mix together eggs, cream, herbs, and dash of hot sauce if you feel inclined. 

Pour egg mixture over the cooked base and sprinkle cheese evenly over it all. 

Leave the eggs on the burner until the bottom sets.  

Transfer pan to the middle shelf of heated oven. 

Cook for 10 minutes until the eggs are almost set. 

Turn broiler on and pay attention while the cheese melts and browns slightly. 

Remove from oven and let sit for a few minutes. 

Serve hot or at room temperature. 

From my friend Griggs Irving, this is a fast approach for a perfect protein breakfast to get your day started. It can work for any meal of the day: 

Hearty Bean Breakfast 

Ingredients 

• 1 can fava beans 

• 1 can garbanzo beans    

• ¼ c. pesto (dill, basil, or chimichurri) 

• 1 egg 

• ½ c. grated cheese  

• Optional: hot sauce  

Directions 

Poach one egg to desired softness.  

Rinse two or three tablespoons of (each) fava and garbanzo beans and place in a glass bowl. Cover and microwave for two minutes. 

When beans are still hot, add two tablespoons of pesto. 

Add soft poached egg and top with grated cheese. 

Lentil Soup with Fennel, Spinach and Sausage 

I developed this soup based on a soup from an Italian restaurant that no longer exists. 

Ingredients 

• 1 lb. spicy Italian sausage (chicken or any other kind you like; I prefer uncooked sausage, but you can use already cooked)* 

• 1 lb. dried lentils or one package pre-cooked lentils 

• 2 T. fennel seeds 

• 2 T dried oregano 

• 2 T olive oil 

• 3 cloves garlic 

• 1 medium onion  

• 1 cup small or three large carrots  

• 1 12 oz. package frozen chopped spinach 

• 1 12 oz. can diced tomatoes or ½ can tomato paste 

• 1 qt. chicken stock 

• 2 c. red wine 

• 1 c. half and half 

Salt and pepper 

Directions 

Chop the onions, carrots, and garlic in food processor and sauté in oil with the fennel seeds until vegetables are softened.  

Add cut up sausage and cook until meat is no longer pink.  

Rinse lentils and add to vegetables and sausage.  Stir to combine. 

Add broth, wine, and canned tomatoes (if using them). 

Cook until lentils are soft, about 40 minutes.  

Add more wine or broth if needed to keep the mixture soupy. 

Add spinach and tomato paste if you haven’t used canned tomatoes. 

Cook at least 15 minutes. 

Tip: Keep tasting to get the flavor balance you like. The fennel should be a subtle tone under the sausage and tomato/wine broth. 

Ten minutes before serving, add half and half and keep warm on heat (but don’t let it boil). 

Serve with shredded parmesan cheese.  

The soup improves its flavors over the following days and freezes well.  

*You can make this vegetarian by eliminating the sausage and using vegetable broth instead of chicken. 

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The post In Pursuit of Protein appeared first on 3rd Act Magazine.

I say “Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll!” I also say: “Lentil Loaf and Tofurkey. And Vegetarian, Vegan, Macrobiotic, and Organic.” 

 If you relate to those foods and labels, you might remember how they became familiar when the Boomer generation, with its accompanying seismic social changes, were redefining American culture and cuisine.  

It’s been a long and eventful ride from those early assaults on the meat and potato habits that many Americans took as their standard approach to what they want and expect to eat. 

To be fair, Americans began exploring a wider range of foods after WWII when the men and women who fought in that conflict came back having experienced the foods of different cultures. The late 1940’s and 1950’s started providing and exposing non-ethnic, mainly urban Americans, to the cuisines of our European allies and Asian foes.  

Post-war wealth and enthusiasm with the many new time-saving appliances touted making homemaking easier and more convenient. Women who had replaced men in the workforce were encouraged to return to their homes and families with fresh new ideas about what to serve their families or offer guests for special occasions. You might remember the famous advertisement of a woman decked out in a fancy apron, pearl necklace, and high heels smiling manically while vacuuming, embodying the joys of being a happy and fulfilled housewife. 

Cookbook writers Julia Childs, Marcella Hazan, Madhur Jaffrey, and others broke ground with their books on French, Italian, Indian, and other cuisines, making them accessible to American home kitchens.  

When the Food Network launched in 1993, the world was already hooked on TV food shows.  

I admit to having my own relationship to those changes societally and culinarily. I grew up in a family with not just the comforting Eastern European foods of my grandmother, but the exploratory eating my family did once settled into one of the new suburbs on Long Island outside of New York City. 

We ate broadly. We went regularly to a nearby Cantonese restaurant where we ordered what the staff ate—pork with 100 year eggs, freshwater snails in black bean sauce, and broiled squab with soy salt. We never looked at the menu, which meant I was appalled and snobbish about the choices of my college friends in Madison, Wisconsin, at the one local Chinese American restaurant. Chow mein and cloying and gooey sweet and sour chicken were among the offenders.  

My family frequented an Italian restaurant a few towns away where we had lobster bisque with enough sherry to give a buzz, fried polenta diamonds—crispy with a sweet hit from sugar applied at the end, lobster fra diavolo, and a rum-soaked cake that finished the inebriation process. I think my parents counted on my sister and me sleeping on the way home from those meals. 

Now we can find Vietnamese Pho in most cities in the country. Tacos are as popular as pizza and we take for granted tofu as a protein choice at Asian restaurants. We welcome the increasing presence of beans, legumes, and pulses (you might search the differences among them to learn more about these versatile foods.)  

We have also rediscovered or expanded the many vegetables we can grow ourselves or find at farmer’s markets and grocery stores. From avocados, artichokes, and asparagus to zucchini and heirloom tomatoes, our choices of both products and processes might seem unrecognizable to the early Boomers.  

We are also aware of the variety of food allergies and preferences that play a role in what we cook and serve. More than a decade ago, a reader asked the food editors at The New York Times if they had to ask their guests about their food preferences and design menus accordingly. I imagine the resounding “Yes” might have distressed many readers. The advice was that not only should we ask before serving food to people with specific dietary restrictions, but we should also make sure there is something on the menu for them to eat.  

The following recipes can be good templates for making food that continues and updates the Boomer legacy.  

Cozy Lentil Bake 

Ingredients 

• 1–2 T olive oil 

• 2 T spice mix (Herbes de Provence, 1 T cumin, 1 tsp. oregano, ½ tsp. red pepper flakes; other favorite spices can be used for this part)  

• 1 lb. tomatoes, cut in half or quarters depending on tomatoes (grape, Campari, Roma) 

• 1 red or white onion, coarsely chopped 

• 1–2 lbs. waxy potatoes cut in quarters 

• 1 package (17.6 oz) cooked lentils  

• 1 c. mixed grated cheese (I prefer cheddar and feta)  

Directions 

• Pre-heat oven to 400 degrees 

• In a large bowl, mix spices and oil and toss the cut-up vegetables with the mixture, coating them all. 

• Spread on a foil-lined sheet pan 

• Roast for 30 minutes, turning once or twice, until potatoes are cooked. The mixture will become jammy.  

• Transfer mixture and its foil to a 2–4 inch deep casserole dish. 

• Spread cooked lentils on top (you might have to break them up to do that) 

• Sprinkle cheeses evenly on top 

• Bake for 20 minutes until the cheeses are melted and the mixture bubbly.  

Serves 4   

African Squash and Peanut Soup 

This can be made with different vegetables including a combination of potatoes and greens. Recipes often call for yams but taste even better with pumpkin or other squashes. Leave out the peanut butter if there is someone allergic to peanuts. 

Ingredients: 

• 6 c. 1–2-inch cubed raw yams, pumpkin or other winter squash like Kabocha or Red Kuri 

• 1 can cannellini or other mild white beans (for additional protein) 

• 2 c. fresh greens                                                         

• 1 box vegetable stock or Pacific Pumpkin Soup 

• 1 can tomato paste or small can tomato sauce             

• 2 slices fresh ginger root   

• 2 tsp. ground cumin      

• 1 tsp. dried thyme          

• 2/3 c. chunky or smooth peanut butter 

• Red chili flakes to taste (add early) 

• 1/2 to 1 full onion, chopped                                        

• 2 T lime, lemon, or key lime juice 

• 6–8 garlic gloves                                                             

• 1/2 c. red wine added at the end 

Directions 

• You can roast the peeled pumpkin or yams in oven for 20 minutes with drizzle of olive oil (can skip that step as flavor is fine either way.) 

• Sautee chopped onion and chopped garlic in 2 T oil until they start to soften (2–3 minutes).   

• Add pumpkin, dry spices, tomato paste or sauce, 1–2 cups water and stock. Bring to boil, lower heat simmer until pumpkin starts to soften.   

• Add drained and rinsed can of beans  

• Stir in peanut butter 

• Add washed greens (can be just spinach). Simmer 1–2 minutes then blend everything with the immersion blender.  

• Stir in wine and adjust thickness as needed with more water.  

Baked Tofu–The NY Times 

INGREDIENTS 

Yield: 2 to 3 servings 

• 1 (14- to 16-ounce) package extra-firm or firm tofu, cut crosswise into 1-inch-thick slices 

• 1-½ tsp. kosher salt (Diamond Crystal), plus more as needed 

• ½ tsp. freshly ground black pepper, plus more as needed 

• 3 T extra-virgin olive oil, plus more for finishing 

• 1 T cornstarch 

• 1 tsp. garlic powder (optional) 

• 1 tsp. dried oregano 

• 1 pint cherry tomatoes, halved if large, kept whole if small 

• 1 large red onion, cut into ¼–inch wedges (about 2 cups) 

• 3 garlic cloves, thinly sliced 

• 1-½ tsp. balsamic vinegar, plus more for finishing 

• ½ c. fresh cilantro or parsley leaves and tender stems, roughly chopped 

PREPARATION 

• Pre-heat oven to 400 degrees and line a sheet pan with parchment paper.
   

• Arrange tofu slices on a clean kitchen towel or on paper towels. Cover with another kitchen towel (or paper towels) and place a flat cutting board or baking pan on top. If your cutting board or pan is lightweight, stack a few cans or a skillet on top to weigh it down. Let tofu drain for at least 15 minutes (or up to 45 minutes.)
   

• Transfer tofu to a cutting board and cut slabs into 1-inch cubes. Pat them dry with paper towels and season both sides of the tofu with ¾ tsp. of the salt and ¼ tsp. black pepper. 

• In a medium mixing bowl, whisk together 1 T oil, cornstarch, garlic powder (if using) and ½ tsp. of the oregano. Add tofu to cornstarch mixture and gently toss until tofu is evenly coated. Dump tofu onto one side of the prepared sheet pan. 

• In a large bowl, toss together tomatoes, onion, garlic, balsamic vinegar, remaining ½ tsp. oregano, ¾ tsp. salt and ¼ tsp. pepper. Drizzle in the remaining 2 T of oil, tossing to combine. 

• Arrange vegetables on other side of the prepared sheet pan. Bake until tofu is crisp and golden brown, and tomatoes are condensed, 25 to 35 minutes. Halfway through baking, flip tofu and toss vegetables, while keeping the tofu and veggies separate. 

• To serve, sprinkle cilantro or other chopped herbs on top and drizzle with balsamic and oil, if you’d like. 

Rebecca Crichton is executive director of Northwest Center for Creative Aging and presents programs on that topic in the Seattle area. She worked at Boeing for 21 years as a writer, curriculum designer, and leadership development coach. She has master’s degrees in child development and organizational development, and is a certified coach.  

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The post Hippie Comfort Food appeared first on 3rd Act Magazine.

“I was feeling run down,” she says. “I was walking fairly regularly, but having trouble finding the energy and motivation to move much.”  

She worried about losing bone density, which could cause fractures. Joint function was another concern. “I was having shoulder issues on the treatment side. Physical therapy helped, but not enough.” 

Lesley’s sister-in-law, Melody, organized a family strength-training group. It included Lesley, Melody, Lesley’s husband Gary and her brother Dave. The foursome started exercising with me once per week in my gym. 

What is strength training? 

The National Institute on Aging defines strength training as an activity that requires our muscles to contract, to lift an object against the pull of gravity. You don’t need complex equipment to get stronger. A pair of hand weights, a set of exercise bands, and our bodyweight are all effective. 

Exercises can (and should) be modified to meet current abilities. For example, if someone struggles to perform a push-up from the floor, a wall push-up is a safer alternative for building upper-body strength. 

In Growing Stronger: Strength Training for Older Adults, researchers at Tufts University and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) conclude,  “Strength training is one of the best ways to fight the weakness and frailty that can come with age.”   

Acknowledging Limits, Celebrating Accomplishments 

Lesley worried about pushing herself too hard. “My biggest concern was that I wouldn’t be able to keep up with my workout group, let alone do the exercises!” she says.  

Fortunately, she respects her body’s limits. “Guess what? I don’t keep up,” she says. “But I am taking care of myself and improving wildly. And that’s what counts.” 

After a year-plus of consistent training, Lesley feels transformed. “I have much better balance, more upper body strength than I’ve ever had, improved endurance, and much more energy. Oh, and did I mention, I have regained the flexibility in my shoulder that physical therapy failed to restore?” 

Lesley and Gary recently added a second weekly strength-training session. “My favorite day of the week is the day after my workout, because I feel like I used to feel when I was much younger,” she says. 

If you’re interested in strength training, here are three tips: 

Start safely. Talk to your doctor and get clearance to work out. Prioritize proper exercise form. Download the free CDC publication, Growing Stronger: Strength Training for Older Adults, for illustrations. 

Consider a workout partner or group. Lesley says that training with Gary, Dave, and Melody keeps her accountable and it has brought them even closer as a family. I recommend Enhance Fitness, a low-cost, evidence-based group program. Learn more at https://projectenhance.org/enhancefitness/. 

Hire a trainer. A personal trainer will develop a workout plan that’s customized to your abilities and goals. A good trainer will answer your questions and critique your technique to ensure that you’re exercising properly for long-term success. 

Mike Harms owns a personal training studio. He holds multiple certifications in training older adults. Learn more at http://www.mhfitness.com. 

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The post Strength Training at 70+ appeared first on 3rd Act Magazine.

So how do we do that? How do we approach an event we know is inevitable, but we’d really rather not attend? Advances in medical treatment have made many of us feel that planning for the end of life, or even acknowledging that death might be imminent, means that we’re giving up. Our doctors may want us to focus on recovery instead of dying. The people we love may want us to “keep fighting,” on the chance that we could survive a while longer, even if treatment has become more of a burden than a benefit. 

Here’s the reality: Good information and thoughtful planning can help you stay in control of your life up until the end. Your loved ones will fare better emotionally after your death. Best of all, you are very likely to live longer, and enjoy yourself more, if you approach treatment and make choices based on what you really want. You can plan a good death. 

Trudy James helps people “live deeply and die well.” A long-time hospital chaplain, she spent decades comforting dying patients and their caregivers. In retirement, she began getting people together to talk about dying before it became a short-term reality. It’s generally easier to discuss death when it’s still more of a concept. 

“People carry around very fearful images of death. I try to replace those images with the naturalness of it and give them some control,” says Trudy. Being able to talk about wrapping up a life is an important part of doing it well and enjoying the time that’s left. 

Through her organization, Heartwork, Trudy and other trained facilitators lead groups in four-session workshops. It starts with stories, as people share their own experiences or thoughts about death, saying goodbye, and the legacy they want to leave. They learn about available resources, and they discuss the essential decisions that will have to be made at some point. By the end of the workshop, Trudy hopes participants will have completed an advance directive and talked to their families about their wishes. 

Essential decisions include: 

• Treatment choices, including possible discontinuation of treatment.
• Choosing the person who will make health care decisions for you if you can’t make them yourself.
• Hospice care, organ donation, death with dignity, dying at home, quality of life.
• Funeral or memorial service wishes.

In 1994, the Project on Death in America began a nine-year mission to “transform the culture and experience of dying” through providing grants for research, developing model systems of care, and a Faculty Scholars Program to train palliative care specialists. Dr. Anthony Back, a PDIA grant recipient, is now co-director of UW Medicine’s Cambia Palliative Care Center of Excellence. “This is a specialty that cares for patients with serious illnesses throughout their treatment and end of life,” explains Back. He says it’s becoming the standard of care in many hospitals. 

There are misconceptions about palliative care. One is that it means giving up medical treatment. Another is that people don’t need it until close to the end of life. Instead, says Dr. Back, the point of palliative care is to help you live as well as possible for as long as you can. 

Providers of palliative care include doctors, nurses, social workers, and spiritual caregivers. Ideally, they’re part of a seriously ill patient’s medical team early on. They help patients and families understand the context of all the medical information they’re getting, so that they can make decisions that include consideration of their own values. 

“We’re helping patients figure out if a treatment is still worth it. Will it help me do the things that I still need to do in my life?” says Back. He adds that advanced cancer patients who receive palliative care may actually live longer. 

Hospice is an option for terminally ill people to receive care and support, usually at the patient’s home or the home of a loved one, although services are available in other settings. To qualify, recipients must have a life-threatening illness with a prognosis of six months or less to live. An RN case manager coordinates a team that offers services such as counseling for patient and family, bathing, chores, errands, medicine oversight, massage, or music therapy. Dana Brothers, outreach and communications manager at Hospice of the Northwest, says that, “Once someone is on hospice, it’s about comfort and meeting the goals of the patient.” 

Hospice can also provide equipment to make life easier at home, such as a hospital bed, oxygen, a bedside table or a commode. Sometimes it’s more personal. Hospice of the Northwest was caring for a woman who wanted to die at her cabin on Orcas Island, but it wasn’t possible. So her hospice team collected shells and flowers for her, reminding her of the beach. 

Patients who go on hospice often live longer than expected. They may leave and return. As Brothers says, death is the most important event that will occur to every single person, and we should plan for it so that we can live the way we want. 

I’ve heard it said that knowing your expiration date can be a gift, allowing time to complete your bucket list, mend fences, or quit your job and go to France. It may not be that way for everyone, but just knowing there are options available is a great comfort. 

Alice, my mom, took control of her life with help from her daughters. As often happens with pancreatic cancer, it wasn’t found early enough for lifesaving treatment. After a few chemotherapy sessions to reduce the tumor, she agreed with her doctor that additional chemo would not make a difference and would, in fact, make her life less pleasant. 

The next few months were busy. Alice finished writing a family history, watched Dancing with the Stars every week, and enjoyed visits with her many friends. She decided that 2009 was not a good year to die and announced that she would wait for 2010. After designing her cemetery stone and having it installed, she went to see it several times with anyone who wanted to go. She was quite proud of it. 

Hospice providers washed Alice’s hair, gave her sponge baths, changed her sheets, and massaged her legs. Her case manager kept an eye on her medications, ordered a hospital bed, and brought in oxygen. Alice was slipping away, but she was doing it on her own terms. 

On my last visit, we planned Mom’s memorial service together and made arrangements to donate her brain for research. I will always be grateful that she could talk with me about those things, and that she gave me a very special message before I went home to Seattle. She died in 2010, with my sister beside her. 

Alice had a good life, right up until the end. I miss her every day, but I have a painting of her that makes me smile. She’s wearing a hat and her elfin grin…and very little else. She did it her way. 

Priscilla Charlie Hinckley has been a writer and producer in Seattle television and video for 35 years, with a primary interest in stories covering health and medicine, women’s and children’s issues, social justice, and education. She enjoys taking a light-hearted approach to serious topics. 

We first published this story in 2017. On hospice and surrounded by her family, Trudy James died at home on October 20, 2024. Her work lives on. – Editor 

Resources 

hospicenw.org 

speakingofdying.com 

depts.washington.edu/pallcntr/ 

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The post The End of Life – and a Good Death Planning for the Inevitable Can Add Joy to the Journey appeared first on 3rd Act Magazine.

BY ELIZABETH SHIER

My dad died on May 16, 2024. He had emphysema and the (undiagnosed) beginnings of dementia, but neither was the direct cause of his death. Due to the agency granted him through the Death with Dignity laws in Washington state, he was able to orchestrate his own death and last day of his life as a victory lap—a celebration of life filled with gratitude and dignity. It was one of the best weeks of his life. I couldn’t have imagined it, but his last week was one of my favorite weeks, too.

Eleven months before, my dad, John Shier, decided to move from his longtime home in Green Bay, Wis., to the Seattle assisted living community where I work as a director. He was on hospice and wanted to be closer to me, his only child, and to my mom’s family in the Pacific Northwest. He’d lost my mom in 2022 after her long battle with a rotten neurological disease, and his emphysema had robbed him of the ability to do many of the things that gave his life meaning and purpose. In light of these losses, and facing further decline, he felt that the full circle of his life was complete. Always an avid reader, educator, and activist, he was hell-bent on being back in the driver’s seat of his own life and that meant pursuing Death with Dignity.

My dad was uniquely qualified to pursue a groundbreaking and unconventional death. Those who knew and loved him would say that this was the perfect death for him. He had a PhD in philosophy of religion from the University of Wisconsin, Madison. From teaching, he went into advocacy work for seniors. Losing his best friend to cancer at 40 motivated him to spend almost 20 years as a hospice volunteer. Then rather than retire, at 60 he went back to school to become a hospice nurse and later wrote the book, Choose Today, Live Tomorrow—Notes from That Guy Nurse. He was keenly aware of the ways our health care system fails people at end of life. He preached loudly that our system prolongs life at the expense of well-being, therefore, he was committed to honoring his hospice patients and to preserving their quality of life as much as possible until the end. As an avowed atheist, he was not a typical church member, yet he remained active and engaged all his life, bringing philosophy to hard Christian conversations. It is difficult to imagine anyone with a richer or informed perspective on end-of-life issues.

My dad inspired me in many ways. I chose a career that places me at the center of aging and in close proximity to death. I deeply appreciate my elders and my days are filled with laughter, great conversation, and purpose. Aging and death are part of living. Most people who live in the community where I work are nearing the end of their lives, which creates a heightened appreciation of the time we have together.

I have lost friends, role models, amazing family members, and my own mom. Yet, in all the passings I have known, none could be described as joyful leave-takings. Death often arrives after a long, slow, and painful decline. And all the while we guiltily wonder, “How long will this go on?”

Over an 18-month period my conversations with dad were peppered with talk of his death, discussions about his life feeling complete, and his frustration over just waiting to die. He viewed Death with Dignity as a path toward ending the feeling of being in limbo.

My love for my dad is intense and complex, and respecting his decision did not come easily in the beginning. I would have loved for him to find enough joy in our Sunday outings to want to stay around for a few more years. I wanted more of chasing Thomas Dambo’s trolls, more ferry rides, and more gelato. In early April, his signature impatience kicked in and I got serious about finding him a doctor willing to prescribe the necessary medication. Dr. Darrell Owens at the University of Washington Medical Center turned out to be the right man for the job. He spent a full hour talking with my dad to assess his candidacy and prognosis. It took another week and some help from the good volunteers at End of Life Washington to find a second doctor we needed by law to agree. A week later I walked out of the pharmacy with his prescription labeled “WARNING: Contents fatal if ingested.” It felt surreal. I’m not sure how to express it, but it felt like a big win for my dad. And a win for me, too, the daughter making this dream a reality.

I have been learning more about ambiguous loss and grief since dad’s death. Ambiguous loss is a term coined by Dr. Pauline Boss in the 1970s. She used it to describe grief that has no definitive boundary or closure. My dad experienced ambiguous loss over the decline of his health and well-being and the uncertainty of when his life would end. I experienced ambiguous loss as I watched him go through that process.

My dad was a powerful and impassioned activist, opinionated, and constantly in motion my entire life. As soon as he chose a date for the end of his life, he reclaimed his identity and was back to the man I’d always known and loved. His thinking grew clearer by the day and I watched him have thoughtful conversations and make plans for a living eulogy party, complete with vodka martinis. Crazy, but true, this process gave me back the Dr. John Shier I knew and loved.

As a gifted keynote speaker, during his last week we recorded an interview for StoryCorps, which is now available and cataloged at the U.S. Library of Congress. We treated ourselves to a Seattle opera, threw a beautiful backyard birthday party, had a fantastic dinner with family at Ray’s Boathouse, and fulfilled his dream of riding in a Tesla. The grand finale was a living eulogy party. His oldest and dearest friends and family from across the country Zoomed in and his neighbors and caregivers gathered, while dad and I regaled everyone with stories from his lifetime of activism and adventure. The day before he died, his best friends roasted him and he was riddled with laughter. As we hugged goodbye that night he said, “I never knew it could be like this.”

On the day of his death, he played cribbage with his favorite bath aid, our chef made him a fantastic lunch and someone from our culinary team baked him a cake on her day off and brought it to him. Another team member wrote him a song and performed it. One by one his care team sought him out for hugs, conversation, prayers, and well wishes. The experience of saying goodbye to someone who is present and able to truly be with us at the end is unique. We say too many goodbyes and most are nothing like this. I was moved beyond words to see the grace, beauty, love, and humor so many brought to my dad’s last days.

As the afternoon waned, we gathered our favorite people in my dad’s apartment, and he toasted all of us with gratitude for a wonderful life and for everyone he loved and who had loved him so well. He gifted his ring to my husband. There was ceremony and joy. He swallowed his medication with his favorite cocktail. He was laughing right up until the moment he closed his eyes and took his last breath.

Death with Dignity is Not a Right Everywhere

Because Death with Dignity is a legal option in Washington state, my dad was able to be fully present for every remarkable moment that we got to enjoy together that last week. He charged me to share his story because we both believe it fundamentally changes the narrative about end-of-life. He would love knowing that you are reading this right now. He would be over the moon to think that he inspired a conversation on end-of-life options at your dinner table. He would be elated to think his death might provide inspiration to others to embrace their own best last weeks and to advocate for Death with Dignity where it is not currently available.

Eight states have enacted Death with Dignity legislation: California, Oregon, Washington, Montana, Colorado, New Mexico, Maine, and Vermont.

Six states have Death with Dignity legislation pending: Michigan, New York, North Carolina, Delaware, Pennsylvania, and Massachusetts.

To learn more about end-of-life planning and Death with Dignity laws in your state, go to deathwithdignity.org

With Deepest Gratitude

My eternal gratitude for the incredible care provided by the team at Aegis Madison. In all of my years working with remarkable teams, I was still blown away by the support and love you gave my family. And to Dr. Darrell Owens for the time you gave my dad. Your willingness to write his script changed everything. The entire team at Continuum Hospice was stellar: You listened, you counselled, you leaned in, and you held our hands. Our thanks as well to Aegis Queen Anne at Rogers Park and a shout out to Katterman’s Pharmacy on Sand Point Way—not all pharmacies will fill this special prescription. Most of all, thank you dad. You showed me, once again, what is possible with determination and an open heart and mind.

Elizabeth Shier was born and raised in DePere, Wis., graduated from Macalester College in St. Paul, and has split her career between grant writing in San Diego, heavy-equipment operation in Antarctica, and senior living in Seattle. She is married and parents two cats. Weekends are spent hiking and making art.

Death with Dignity—Your Life. Your Death. Your Choice.

Living Well and Dying With Dignity

Being Mortal—Planning for a Gentle Death

The post The Best Last Week appeared first on 3rd Act Magazine.

I didn’t invent this saying, but I believe it to be true: “The best workout is one we’ll stick with.” Consistency is key. Our chances of staying consistent increase if our workout excites and inspires us.

Mark, one of my personal training clients, played football in high school and college. “No pain, no gain” was a mantra of his coaches. It was not particularly effective. Mark didn’t need pithy, potentially injurious motivational slogans. He played because he was passionate about the sport. His university, MIT, didn’t offer football scholarships, but he played anyway, all while earning his aerospace engineering degree.

I asked if he got any benefits from “No pain, no gain”?

“It rhymed,” Mark says.

Today, at 58, Mark is passionate about a variety of activities, like biking, kayaking, and travel. He also strength trains consistently. Our strength-training program encompasses more than muscle building. For example, a standing single-arm landmine press (shown in the photo) is a unilateral exercise, meaning it’s performed using primarily one limb (in the photo, it’s Mark’s right arm). Working one side of the body at a time addresses strength, balance, and the core. Also, with a landmine press the weight moves upward and outward, which can be safer than pressing the weight straight over head.

Listening to our body, focusing on proper form, and emphasizing consistency over intensity are sound fitness principles. But don’t just take my word for it. Meb Keflezighi won the Boston Marathon, the New York Marathon, and an Olympic medal. He’s also one of the oldest men to ever qualify for the U.S. Olympic Marathon Team.

In his book, 26 Marathons, Keflezighi offers meaningful advice for athletes of all ages: “When I’m asked the secret to my success, I often say there is no secret, but the key is consistency,” Keflezighi writes. “Always pushing as hard as you can is more likely to lead to injury or being overtrained than to peak performance. The repeated right efforts are what bring results and confidence.”

Soreness vs. Pain

A strength workout can leave us feeling stiff or sore afterwards. The cause may be Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness (DOMS), which is a natural part of strength building. DOMS is most noticeable 24–72 hours after a workout. You should give your body time to rest and recover from DOMS, however DOMS is not a reason to stop exercising. In fact, it helps your body be better prepared for future exercise.

On the other hand, if you feel sharp pain during exercise, that’s a signal to stop or back off. The cause could be poor form or excessive intensity, which could be resolved by hiring a coach. If you’re experiencing chronic pain, then I advise seeing a doctor or physical therapist to establish a treatment plan that includes exercise.

Mike Harms owns a personal training studio. He is certified in training older adults. Learn more at http://www.mhfitness.com.

 More by Mike Harms:

Most Falls are Preventable—Get Stronger for Better Balance

The Quest for Strength

Forever Heptathlon—Your 7 Forever Exercises

The post No Pain, More Gains appeared first on 3rd Act Magazine.

My grandmother made the best kosher dill pickles I ever ate. My mouth salivates when I think of them even now, seven decades later. After our 10-hour drive from Long Island, New York they were the first thing I sought when my family arrived in Akron, Ohio.

The pickles were among several Eastern European treats my grandmother was famous for. Pickled fish, Gribenes—crispy onions and chicken skins resulting from the process for making schmaltz—and plump baked Bulkes—crescent-shaped pastries similar to Rugelach—were always available.

My grandmother’s basement cold room was a thing of beauty. Shelves lined with pickles and preserves, canned vegetables and fruits presented endless opportunities for culinary exploration. My grandmother was known for her food and baking, a legacy my mother inherited and fulfilled. I remember watching her roll out a ball of dough to the size of the kitchen worktable until it was transparent and ready to enrobe the apple filling for her famous strudel.

I decided I wanted to learn to make my grandmother’s pickles when I was a teenager, and already exploring my foodie inclinations. She was with us for her annual summer visit and I was working as a cashier in a local grocery store that stocked all the supplies for pickling.

I announced my intention to make pickles with my grandmother’s guidance to my mother and grandmother. I said I would get all the elements needed: canning jars, dill, garlic, pickling cucumbers, salt, and pickling spices, and the three of us could fill a dozen wide-brimmed quart canning jars with their gleaming contents.

The day of the great pickling, I descended the stairs to our kitchen where my mother was perched on a stool, watching my grandmother bustle around cleaning jars, scrubbing cucumbers, arranging a production line for the ensuing steps.

I urged my mother to join us in the process but before she could move or reply my grandmother declared, “She can’t touch the pickles. She has her period. She will make them go soft!”

My jaw literally dropped open. I was, as they say, gobsmacked!

“Are you kidding? This is the 20th century! That is an old wives’ tale.”

My grandmother doubled down. Turning to my mother she demanded, “Jean, did I ever make pickles when I had my period?” My mother, looking uncomfortable and abashed, admitted that she hadn’t.

My grandmother upped the ante: “If she touches the pickles, I won’t make them with you.”

I proposed a compromise of sorts, suggesting my mother fill one jar with the prescribed ingredients. We could label it as hers and when it was time to open them, we could compare her jar to another one. My grandmother reluctantly agreed, and my mother looked relieved but doubtful.

I am sorry to admit the results were less than definitive. My mother thought that her pickles were a bit softer than another jar opened at the same time. I couldn’t tell the difference.

Thus, we enshrine the myths of food and families.

Fall is always when I start to think about what to make from the end-of-season bounty that can be enjoyed later and shared with friends and family over the holiday season and into the winter.

At my age, and for many people I know, we don’t aspire to make massive amounts of preserves, pickles, or other condiments to store or give away. I still have unlabeled jars with unidentified contents that might be preserves, chutneys, or … Various preserves from 2019 need to be used and I hesitate to give them away.

The recipes below include some easy-to-prepare choices and a few that take a bit more work but are worth the effort.

Tarragon-Pickled Flame Grapes
From Fancy Pantry by Helen Witty

Ingredients

• 3-½ c. firm-ripe seedless red grapes
• 8 sprigs (about 4 inches long) fresh tarragon (or substitute tarragon vinegar for the white wine vinegar below)
• 1-½ c. white wine vinegar (see above if not using fresh tarragon)
• 3 T. sugar
• 1-½ tsp. fine, non-iodized salt

Instructions

1. Rinse grapes and drain well, then roll in towel until they dry.
2. Rinse tarragon and pat completely dry on towel.
3. Place tarragon in sterilized quart jar.
4. Add the grapes, which should come to just the shoulder of the jar, leaving the neck clear.
5. Stir together the vinegar, salt and sugar until dissolved.
6. Pour the solution over the grapes, which should be covered by at least an inch so they can “swim” freely (add more vinegar if necessary.)
7. Cap jar with sterilized lid.
8. Store grapes in cool, dark place for at least a month before serving them.

Serve the way you would cornichons or other pickles with cheese, pates or in sandwiches.

Quick Pickled Green Tomatoes
From A Couple Cooks

These pickled green tomatoes are quick pickles, a method of pickling that uses any blend of vegetables pickled in a mixture of vinegar, salt, sugar, and water, and stored in the refrigerator. There’s no canning required and no special canning equipment needed. They last for one month in the refrigerator.

Ingredients

• 4 c. green tomatoes, cut into wedges
• 3 garlic cloves
• 1 c. white vinegar
• 1 c. water
• 1 tsp. dried dill
• ½ T. black peppercorns
• ½ tsp. turmeric
• 1 T. sugar
• 2 T. kosher salt

Instructions

1. Wash a wide-mouth one-quart mason jar and its lid in hot, soapy water, then rinse and let air dry.
2. Cut green tomatoes into wedges and pack them tightly into the jar. (If you have very large tomatoes, you may want to slice them into smaller wedges.)
3. Peel the garlic. In a small saucepan, combine the garlic, vinegar, water, dill, peppercorns, turmeric, sugar, and kosher salt. Bring to a low boil, stirring occasionally to dissolve sugar and salt.
4. Once dissolved, pour the brine mixture into the jar, allowing the garlic to settle on top of the vegetables. Tap the jar on the counter to release any air bubbles. Discard any remaining brine, or top off the jar with extra water if any tomatoes are exposed at the top. Screw on the lid tightly and allow to cool to room temperature, then store in the refrigerator for at least 24 hours before eating. If desired, discard the garlic after 24 hours. Keeps up to one month refrigerated.

Jean’s Peach Jam

Ingredients

• 4 c. (3 lbs.) peaches, peeled, pitted and sliced.
• 1 orange, peeled, halved and sliced
• 1 lemon, peeled, halved and sliced
• ½ c. blanched sliced almonds
• ½ c. maraschino cherries, halved
• 4 c. sugar

Directions

• For every full cup of fruit, use 1 scant cup of sugar.
• Pour sugar over fruit in pan—not more than sic cups per pan to avoid boiling over.
• Melt over low heat and bring to a rolling boil. Boil 40 minutes to an hour, stirring often.
• As peaches darken and become transparent, text syrup for desired consistency. Put spoonful in freezer to see how it will cool.
• When almost done, add almonds and cherries.
• Cool thoroughly before canning in jars and refrigerating or else follow processing direction for canning preserves.

Yields a half dozen 8 oz. jars.

Rebecca Crichton is executive director of Northwest Center for Creative Aging and presents programs on that topic in the Seattle area. She worked at Boeing for 21 years as a writer, curriculum designer, and leadership development coach. She has master’s degrees in child development and organizational development, and is a certified coach.

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