This moment triggers my memory of the 1938 Knickerbocker Holiday premier in New York City, where I was born in 1924. In my life’s springtime then, I was captivated by the musical’s song about an older man wooing a young woman. “Life,” he intoned, “is a long passage from a youthful May to the December of life’s end.” He wanted precious time with the show’s star. My star, Lee, is now 94, and I am her centenarian caregiver. It is a labor of love.

Back from the gazebo, we sit in our apartment, in precious aloneness. November’s fleeting days are evident on a wall calendar that will soon advance. It hangs near photos and mementos from years past.

When I joined the U.S. Army in 1943 after high school graduation, I had no idea of the impact dementia would have on my “third act.” Back then, my life’s story was not yet written. One chapter includes my wartime assignment to a convoy that moved in 1945 from New Guinea up through the Philippine Islands to Manila.

After the war, I met my first wife, Amelita, at Catholic University of America in Washington, D.C. After marrying, we had two children and divorced in 2005. In 2023, death came calling. That fateful year, my beloved daughter died, my son suffered a heart attack, and their mother passed away from dementia. My son’s sudden illness brought back memories of our family’s earlier years, including four I spent designing and fabricating exhibits for the Smithsonian Institution, a national treasure in our nation’s capital.

I’ve enjoyed many treasures and am grateful, but more than any accolades or grand experiences, including my glimpse on a trip of the fabled and wondrous Treasury of Petra in Jordan, my greatest treasure has been Lee. We returned today to “her” gazebo, savoring the fading light. I sighed, not with regret, but from the presence of a terrible mind thief.

As I help Lee to bed this evening, I know that the December of life’s end will eventually come. We cannot know who will leave first, but I pray that we see one last sunray through the trees turn “Lee’s Gazebo” golden. Please, dear Powers of the Universe, may December not linger—let it be mercifully brief.

Barbara K. Cleary is a graduate of the City University of New York and publishes an international education blog http://attentionology.com. She has conducted writing workshops and programs to entertain and inspire adults in regional retirement communities since 2005. She has also produced radio programming, including The Medical Minute, for the North Carolina News Network. Cleary’s awards include the North Carolina Governor’s Business Award and a National Top Ten Business Woman award.

Information on Dementia:

• Dementia diagnoses affect some 10 percent of the U.S. adult population in 2025. (Source: Centers for Disease Control and Prevention)

• In 2019, an estimated 5 million Americans are living with dementia, and this number is projected to nearly double to over 10 million by 2050, .(Source: The Lancet, Vol 7, Feb 2022))

• After age 55, four in 10 adults are likely to develop some form of dementia. (Source: Nature Medicine Journal, January, 2025)

The post November Song—Walter Marinetti’s Story appeared first on 3rd Act Magazine.

We know that some people are eager to get started and others are too overwhelmed to take the first step. But you only have a short window of time, so this year we’ve created a new tool to help you get started and take action if you want or need to make a change.

It’s called the Medicare Open Enrollment Jumpstart Toolkit, and it includes seven easy steps you can take today. To create this guide, we started with what we’ve learned from helping people every year:

• Many are unsure of the type of plan they currently have.
• They can’t find the important piece of mail they were sent that details what’s changing for next year.
• They’re unsure of what’s changing or what’s really important to them about their current coverage, like premiums, providers, or prescription choices.
• They have not created an online Medicare account.
• They don’t know how to use Medicare’s Plan Finder tool or why they should.

We spend a lot of time helping people with these “get ready” steps before we can help them make the critical step of picking a new plan. The Medicare Jumpstart Toolkit is designed to help you walk through the first steps you need to take before you can compare plans and get enrolled. It includes:

• A big envelope to save all your important mail — so you have the details of how your plan is changing.
• A menu of the different types of health plan cards — similar to a diner menu — so you can see the different cards and match yours! This is important because your options will depend on the type of plan you have.

• A worksheet to help you map out how your plan is changing and what matters to you.

• A simple overview of your options depending on the type of plan you have today, because knowing what type of Medicare plan you have today will help you understand your options.

• Details on how to create an online Medicare account.
• The benefits of using Medicare’s Plan Finder tool.
• And finally, steps to get ready to talk with a SHIBA volunteer and get enrolled in your new plan!

Visit www.insurance.wa.gov to order a free Medicare Jumpstart Toolkit today or to find a SHIBA event near you. You can also pick up a copy at most local libraries and senior centers. Grab a copy for a friend, or neighbor, too!

For information about commonly asked Medicare questions, you can also visit AARP’s Getting Help site at www.aarp.org/medicare/getting-help/

If we get everyone ready, we can help even more people get the coverage they need.

Commissioner Patty Kuderer, Washington’s ninth insurance commissioner, is committed to protecting consumers, promoting transparency and fairness in the insurance market, and advocating for expanded access to affordable healthcare.

The post Get ready for Medicare Open Enrollment with Jumpstart Toolkit appeared first on 3rd Act Magazine.

When my work role shifted to primarily that of family caregiver for my elderly, now deceased, mother, it was through disaster-colored lenses that I crafted part of her care and well-being.

My mother lived in Northern California with me from 2016 through 2020. By the time she passed at age 90, her health and physical condition had deteriorated to needing full assistance for all mobility and personal care.

I would often ask myself, ‘How will I get Mom to safety when a wildfire breaks out?’  Notice, I said ‘when’ not ‘if.’ I’m not a doom-and-gloom person, but instead, I have been shaped by those professional experiences and hard data surrounding disasters.

In 2018 alone, CalFire (California’s state fire agency) reported 7,948 wildfires. Fourteen of those were in Butte County, where we lived. One of those, the Camp Fire, destroyed the town of Paradise, located about 30 miles from our home. One of the most poignant stories I covered during that fire was about a husband and spousal caregiver. He had just enough time to hoist his bedridden wife and her wheelchair into a van. They narrowly escaped with their lives.

Washington state is not immune to disasters. Think of landslides, tsunamis, earthquakes or wildfires. In 2024, data from the Washington State Department of Natural Resources indicates that there were 826 wildfires within their jurisdiction. The primary causes? 305 were considered undetermined, 78 were from lightning, and 443 were human-caused.

I always knew I needed to have a non-negotiable approach to keeping my mother safe. If you are a family caregiver, I encourage you to do the same. Plan for the absolute worst, hope it never happens, but know you are ready if it does. Here are some of the steps I took:

1. Prepare and pack a ‘go bag’ for each person. My mother’s bag included two changes of clothes, a week’s worth of underclothes, a package of adult underwear, personal toiletries, a week’s worth of her medications, toilet paper, body/hand wipes, and copies of her important documents, including Insurance/Medicare cards, passport, AARP card, military identification, and contact information for her doctors.
2. Make hard-copy copies of important documents, upload digitized versions to the cloud, and email them to other family members and/or yourself.
3. Know your evacuation routes. Not sure? Contact your local police or sheriff’s department.
4. Rehearse your emergency plan. When a life-or-death situation arises, it can be easy to lose focus in the moment.
5. Sign up with local emergency alert apps.
6. Keep our car’s gas tank filled. You might find long lines or stations that are already closed.
7. Is your loved one residing at a professional care facility? Ask administrators in advance if they have an emergency evacuation plan and what that entails.
8. Research area hotels in advance that can accommodate your loved one.
9. Make time to digitize irreplaceable photos or family keepsakes.

Thankfully, I never had to evacuate my mother under emergency orders. However, those emergency ‘go-bags’ and a rehearsed plan? Well, it came in handy. In July 2024, I watched the Park Fire in Northern California consume my home. Sadly, I did not do step nine.

Learn more about preparing in advance for disaster events. Visit www.aarp.org/disasterprepwa.

 Bellevue resident, Julia Yarbough is an Emmy Award-winning broadcast journalist, communications consultant, and freelance writer.  She is the creator and publisher of Keeping It REAL Caregiving, a Substack newsletter and website.

The post Hope the Worst Never Happens, But Plan Like It Will appeared first on 3rd Act Magazine.

Over the past nine decades, not a single payment has been missed. That’s not just reliability—it’s a testament to the strength and success of one of America’s most trusted institutions. We’ve all paid into it. We all depend on it. And we must all fight to protect it.

What Social Security Means for Washington
Today, over 1.4 million Washingtonians rely on Social Security. For many, it’s the difference between stability and hardship—covering rent, groceries, prescriptions, and basic needs. Without it, nearly 314,000 residents would fall below the poverty line.

That is the case for 76-year-old West Seattle resident Sue Luke, who relies solely on her monthly Social Security payment to make ends meet. Her first order of business each month is to pay her rent, and then she orders groceries, cat litter, and other essential items that she has put off until the first of the month.

“Social Security means everything to me. Without it, I would really be up a deep creek,” Sue remarked. “If something happened to my payments, I would definitely have to find work, but honestly, physically, I’m just not up to it. I use a walker now, so I doubt anyone would want me.”

Social Security provides crucial financial protection for people with disabilities, children who lose a parent, and surviving spouses. And it’s earned—paid for with every paycheck, from your first job to your last.

The impact of Social Security ripples through our economy, generating nearly $32 billion in annual economic activity across Washington – supporting local businesses, jobs, and communities.

Protecting What We’ve Earned

Despite its success, Social Security is under pressure. Across Washington and the nation, people face long wait times, understaffed offices, and confusing policy changes that make it harder for individuals to access benefits they have rightfully earned.

And while Social Security is not “going broke,” it does face a funding shortfall. The latest report from the Social Security Board of Trustees warns that by 2033, benefits could be cut by 20% if Congress fails to act. That’s unacceptable – Social Security must remain financially strong for today’s retirees and for generations to come.

Commemorating the 90^th anniversary of Social Security
To celebrate this important milestone, AARP Washington is holding celebration events in locations throughout the state. This is chance to gather with your neighbors, share stories, meet new friends, and take action to protect what you’ve earned.

We have events planned in Seattle, Bothell, Yakima and Spokane. Find more information and register at www.aarp.org/socialsecuritywa All events are free, but pre-registration is required.

Our Money. Our Future.
Social Security belongs to us. We paid for it. We depend on it. And AARP will never stop fighting to ensure it’s there when you need it—today, tomorrow, and for generations to come. Learn more and get involved at aarp.org/socialsecurity

The post 90 Years Strong: Protecting Social Security’s Legacy and Future appeared first on 3rd Act Magazine.

By Eric Topol, MD 

Reviewed by Victoria Starr Marshall 

Dr. Eric Topol is one of the Top 10 most cited medical researchers in the world. He’s published more than 1,000 peer-review papers and is an executive vice president and professor of molecular medicine at Scripps Research, the largest nonprofit biomedical institute in the U.S. He is also a practicing cardiologist.  

Dr. Topol is an expert’s expert and I trust what he has to say about extending our health-span—the number of years we live free from disability and disease. He starts the book with the stories of two people, both 98, who are active, engaged, and live vibrant lives—yet, who are a study in contrasts. Of the first patient, Dr. Topol writes, “[she]has escaped all the common age-related diseases, a resilience that defies what most of us expect from the human aging process,” and that it does not appear to be related to genetic makeup. He implies that lifestyle choices may play a significant role. The second is a patient who has had multiple heart issues, bypass grafts, and even a heart attack. “At 96,” Topol writes, “he was hospitalized with COVID pneumonia and, despite a prolonged hospitalization, did not develop respiratory failure and fully recovered.” He goes on to say that this individual “embodies the medical progress we’ve made with age-related diseases.” 

Dr. Topol is the bearer of good news. There is much we have control over when it comes to extending our health span and rigorous breakthroughs in medicine and technology are rapidly filling the gaps when our health fails. He cites five dimensions where “phenomenal advances” are being made that will extend our health span: 1) Lifestyle+ 2) Cells 3) Omics 4) Artificial Intelligence and 5) Drugs/Vaccines. The book is an in-depth dive into each of these areas.  

This is all evidence-based science and research and it’s dense. This is not a quick read, it’s a deep study. Yet, there is so much here worth knowing—so many tools available for us to use. This is our health and quality of life we are talking about. And it reminds me how valuable these experts are to us.  

Dr. Topol is optimistic over what the future could hold, but he’s also circumspect. 

“Unfortunately, we are our own worst enemy. During the pandemic, anti-science and anti-vaccine movements were organized and funded: This has led to far fewer people deriving the net benefit of COVID shots. On the one hand, we’re making phenomenal advances in the science; on the other hand, these are being aggressively countered. It will be vital,” he continues, “to develop effective strategies to prebunk and debunk anti-science efforts. That social challenge to our political culture may prove to be our greatest challenge in continuing to add to life expectancy.” 

I challenge you to pick up this book and do the work to learn and apply all science has to teach us about how to extend our health span and have a tremendous quality of life all the way to its end. 

The post Super Agers appeared first on 3rd Act Magazine.

On the first anniversary of my mother’s death, I was traveling on a small ship in Greece, motoring the last leg from Crete to Hydra. I’d booked the trip because I needed to keep moving and exploring to hold the aching sadness of the past year at bay. A year of remembering my mother’s long and vigorous life—and at the same time, fighting off memories of her last days and excruciating death. People should not have to be in charge of dosing their mother with morphine until her body finally gives out.  

But I’m not a wallower. I tend to get busy when the going gets rough and feelings get tough. Staying home, stuck in my routines, my ongoing “organ recitals” with friends, and worries about daily responsibilities, felt stifling. I set out on this trip hoping for distraction, but I also sought time to reflect and remember her, preferably in the close vicinity of others, who are not family, and around whom I would be less likely to crumple into tears.  

My mother and grandmother took me on my first international trip when I was 23. In our rental car, reminding whoever was driving to stay on the left side of the road, we explored England and Scotland for a couple of weeks, even meeting the British pen pal I’d been writing to since the seventh grade. One day, climbing up the steeple of a church, my mother and I peered down at the park below where my grandmother sat on a bench waiting for us. I shouted down, “Hello Grandma!” and we laughed when a half-dozen gray heads lifted at the call. One morning, when Grandma slipped a breakfast roll from the bed and breakfast into her pocketbook “for later” and explained that all the folks on the AARP trips did this, we followed her lead. We came to call it “AARPing” food to snack on while sightseeing.  

My grandmother died at 94, just before my first child was born. A career and raising kids took over my life and traveling was planned around hubs like Disneyland, Legoland and the San Diego Zoo. Finally, after I retired, I treated myself to a river cruise in Europe and the travel bug sprung from its cocoon. When my mother was still alive but no longer traveling, I visited London again, this time on my own. When I reached the park across from Big Ben, I pulled out a snapshot of her and my grandmother and found the same spot from which I’d taken it all those years before. I lined up the tower of Big Ben with the old snapshot and photographed both, superimposing an image that would help keep the two most important women in my life close to me.  

A few months after my mother’s death, I was changing planes in London and there in Heathrow I was stung by the permanence of their absence. In the hustle and din of the airport though, it was a quiet thought, a tiny stab of sorrow. I acknowledged it and trusted that those stabs would continue to soften over time. Before I left the lounge for my connecting flight, I AARPed a scone and jam, a banana and a granola bar for the next leg of my journey. Thanks, Grandma. 

I booked the Greece trip as part of a need to surround myself with people on the first holidays without my mother. I’d hiked with friends on her birthday and spent the fall and winter holidays with my sons. So that I wouldn’t languish at home on the first anniversary of her death, I hoped that being with a group of travel companions would keep me preoccupied and entertained, bump my mind over to another, lighter track.  

And it did. My new travel mates, most of them older than me, shook me out of my mid-60s slump and my gloomy self-talk about the pains and indignities of my own aging. They unfolded their walking sticks, slipped on knee braces, and in one case fell off the gangway into the Mykonos harbor, but they all kept going. Pushing ahead, just the way my grandmother and mother did until the end of their lives.  

It had been a year of firsts. First time driving by my mother’s house without her in it. A sushi order without her favorites. My birthday celebration without the woman who birthed me. And it had been a year of lasts. The last time we would see her furniture before it was carted away. The last time we would pick blueberries in her yard before the house sold. The last time I would use the house key to unlock her door to say goodbye to her space, the place we gathered as a family, the place where she died in front of a picture window out of which she could no longer see. 

I’d mentioned the first anniversary to two women early in the trip, and both checked in with me on the day. I choked up briefly when I replied, but I was able to tell the truth. “It’s getting better.” Then, our talk turned to the calmer weather expected on Hydra and I felt solace. Unless we go first, we all lose our mothers. Only the gods have eternal life.  

Katherine Briccetti is a Pushcart-nominated essayist and author of the memoir, Blood Strangers, a LAMBDA Literary Award Finalist. Her writing has appeared in Dos Passos Review, Short ´Edition, Sojourn: A Journal of the Arts, Under the Sun, upstreet, The Writer, Bark, Los Angeles Times and several national anthologies. She earned an MFA in Creative Writing from Stonecoast in 2007. She is at work on a novel about race and relationships, which takes place in the middle of America in 1968. www.katherine.briccetti.com 

Leaving a Legacy of a Safer Society

Ever Heard About Generation Jones?

The post Traveling Past Grief appeared first on 3rd Act Magazine.

Most of us can create a litany of reasons why we aren’t always happy about aging—achy joints, sagging faces and bodies, suffering incontinence and insomnia, and just feeling weary of the world sometimes. Though never the homecoming queen, I have garnered my share of backward glances over the years. So, it was shattering to realize that aging could also mean I would become invisible. 

But as time passes I have begun to consider invisibility an asset and even, I dare say, a super power. Imagine, we have been gifted an invisibility cloak that allows us to move about in the world any way we please. It frees us up to wear what we want, say what we want, and be who we want because no one is really paying attention. In her book, Big Magic, Elizabeth Gilbert writes about a wise, older woman telling her: “We all spend our twenties and thirties trying so hard to be perfect, because we’re so worried about what people will think of us. Then we get into our forties and fifties, and we finally start to be free, because we decide that we don’t give a damn what anyone thinks of us. But you won’t be completely free until you reach your sixties and seventies, when you finally realize this liberating truth—nobody was ever thinking about you, anyhow.” 

Held in the right perspective, this invisibility thing can be very empowering. In the end, the best we can do is practice acceptance. I said this to my dermatologist recently who wistfully asked, “Can you evangelize that?” Easier said than done. Acceptance is the counterpart of grace and as a lover of that particular word, that’s what I’m striving for. I have realized that most people will experience feeling invisible at some point. While we can’t control how or if others see us, we can take the initiative to see and acknowledge others. We just might make their day! 

After losing her husband in 2021, Marilee Clarke began writing her book on navigating grief. Excerpts from the book (still in progress) often appear in this magazine. Her passions include mixed media creations and traveling the world every chance she gets. She currently splits her time between Issaquah and the California desert, enjoying the best of two very different and beautiful locales.  

Let Me Count the Ways I Love You

Still Laughing

The post Let’s See Each Other appeared first on 3rd Act Magazine.

It won’t surprise anybody to know that when I try a new restaurant, I start by looking at the chef’s signature dishes or other indications of the chef’s personal palate.  

In my food-related career—I was a foodie before it became a meme—I have taught cooking and developed recipes for decades. I always encourage people to think about how any given recipe can complement and meld with someone’s own preferred palate, perhaps resulting in their own signature or famous dishes. (I make legendary scrambled eggs!) 

As in all developmental models, we learn as we go, starting with basics and adding and developing techniques and ingredients to become adept and reflect how and what we like to cook.  

When I crave something, which is almost always how I approach food, I know how to either find or achieve what satisfies me.  

I’ve been asking people what makes a recipe or particular preparation authentic. One friend’s instant answer: “Family recipes.” Another, “When the dish I order from a restaurant tastes the way I remember it” or “When I know the quality and locality of the ingredients.” 

All good answers. When we eat away from home, we expect a certain level of reliability in what we order. Whether it’s the fries at McDonald’s or the pho at our favorite Vietnamese restaurant, we count on the consistency of the experience. Especially in fast food and less pricey restaurants, we go because we count on having the food we expect. No experiments and no deviation from the basic offering. 

When I eat out with friends, I often look for new experiences and places that on the explorative side of either my own experience or a chef’s unique food prep. “What is ripe or ready for each day? What new ingredient has the chef been playing with? What prep matches those realities? 

I keep adding new ingredients to my list of staples. White miso is always in my refrigerator to enhance marinades, salad dressings, soups and other dishes. Instant umami, it is the fifth flavor we perceive as savory. I am learning how to embrace pastes—anchovy paste, vanilla paste, tahini, pesto of all sorts. A little bit can go a long way to elevating a dish to something extraordinary.  

I always conduct an internet search for recipes for any particular ingredient. Not only do I see things I never would have thought of, which I rarely admit, I see how they are used and what they relate to best. 

Given that cluster of considerations, here is a personal inventory of ingredients and their uses that people might encounter when I cook for them.   

Rebecca’s Pantry Staples 

Pomegranate Molasses: Use it in salad dressings, marinades and bastes for tofu, fish or chicken. 

Mama Lil’s peppers: I use the big jars from Costco. I chop them for frittata and mix them into egg and tuna salads. They add a tangy element to charcuterie spreads and their oil is a good start for sautés that you want more zip.  

Marinated artichoke hearts: Chopped in frittatas, cut up in salads, scattered around chicken and potatoes on a sheet pan, my large jar goes a long way. The marinade gets used as part of whatever liquid might also be incorporated.  

Olives: There are many varieties to choose from. They always serve as easy appetizers and find their way into many main course dishes.  

Capers: I add them to any dish with lemons—think picatta—add them to egg salads and tuna salads. Smoked salmon begs to have them nearby.  

Canned “tinned” fish: The new darlings of the internet—tuna, mackerel, trout, salmon, sardines. They add protein and flavor to everything from classic tuna salad to pasta sauces. Check out each fish’s recipes online. They are wonderfully versatile. 

Vietnamese Fish Sauce: Just a few drops in a salad dressing or soup will add a deep note that matters but most people have no idea of where it comes from. 

Preserved Lemons or Preserved lemon puree: If you are drawn to the flavors of Morocco or other countries from that area, some chopped preserved lemon or teaspoon of puree add both depth and a pleasurable complexity. 

Maple Syrup: I admit I don’t make pancakes or waffles but I still like maple syrup as a choice for adding sweetness to bastes, marinades, desserts. 

Flavored vinegars and flavored oils: My pantry has a Drizzle Shelf from a store in Bellingham, Wash. Those same flavored vinegars and oils are available in many specialty food stores. Search the internet for flavored vinegars to be surprised by the variety. My more than a dozen different balsamic vinegars and flavored finishing oils give me endless opportunities for combining and creating flavor combinations for all parts of my meal. Strawberry balsamic is fabulous on fresh fruit. 

And don’t forget the Absolute Necessities:  

• Garlic—fresh, pureed, salt and powder 

• Ginger—fresh, dried, shredded, pickled, pureed  

• Lemons—I have anxiety attacks if I inadvertently run out of lemons! Lemon zest and juice add brightness and zing to just about everything.  

Rebecca Crichton is executive director of Northwest Center for Creative Aging and presents programs on that topic in the Seattle area. She worked at Boeing for 21 years as a writer, curriculum designer, and leadership development coach. She has master’s degrees in Child Development and Organizational Development and is a certified coach.  

Nourish Your Body—Good Intentions

Susan Feniger’s Keeps Cooking in Her 3rd Act

A Few Favorite Foods for Easy Summer Meals

The post Nourish Your Body – Your Signature Self appeared first on 3rd Act Magazine.

I’ve only admitted to good friends, for example, that I go to sleep every night with a football between my arms. Even then, I backpedal by justifying myself—describing the football, how it’s a plush pillow, yet true football size, how it’s not that I’m a closeted football fan. I’ve never been to a pro football game, although I’ve watched some occasionally on TV.  

The dull details are that when I sleep on my side, my football is perfect, snugly support for shoulder and ribs, particularly when they’re achy. 

 As I ponder other twists in my personality, my brain lets loose a flood of unconventional eccentricities woven into the fabric of who I am.  

Lately, I’ve revived my enthusiasm for Calpis, a soft drink I first tasted in Iwakuni, Japan, in the late ’70s. I recently read that a Japanese woman named Tomiko Itooka, the world’s oldest living person until she died at 116 last December, is reported to have loved Calpis. (This was in her obituary, not an ad.) 

In North America, it’s called Calpico, so it won’t be confused with piss. I rather liked the Calpis name, but what can you do? It reminds me of Japan and brings a smile. Calpico/Calpis is made by culturing skim milk with lactic acid bacteria and quite a bit of sugar. No carbonation. I buy it at Daiso stores up and down the West Coast. 

Another quirk—the chicken in my purse. The ho-hum specifics? She’s only three inches tall, an inch in girth (including wings), made of rubber, so no bird flu risk. She’s a goof-luck charm. I popped her out of my purse to sit on my desk while I write this daring exposé. 

My chicken is a peculiar breed, hatched by a Seattle novelty store. In 2018, Archie McPhee’s became home to the world-famous Rubber Chicken Museum, testimony to the history of rubber fowl. 

Rubber chickens aren’t alive, however, and maybe because mine occupies the bottom of my purse, I’ve neglected to give her a name. 

Oscar, on the other hand, is full of life. At least he was the last time I visited him, albeit his lifespan is only a few years. I kick myself for not getting to see him more often at the medical imaging facility he calls home. I discovered that, without an appointment, I’m not the only person who shows up expressly to visit Oscar the fish.  

The first time Oscar and I met, he swam across his fish tank to greet me. As I tipped my head, he tipped his, too. His big, soulful, dark eyes reminded me of an old boyfriend, but I digress.  

When I gently scratched the outside of his large tank, Oscar pressed his whole belly up against the glass as though he could feel my touch! All the while, pretty little fish flitted about the tank like a colorful ersatz backdrop, but steered clear of the connection between Oscar and me.  

It’s worth getting close and personal with fish tanks in waiting rooms. A receptionist told me Oscar is a pufferfish, but rarely puffs up. Maybe one day I might see that, but I’m content that I can flirt with a fish.  

I admit to other odd habits. My sock drawer, for example, is sometimes so full, I have trouble closing it. This harks back to a time in the early 1980s when I first moved West and couldn’t find a job. About all I could afford as a pick-me-up was a pair of socks. 

I was walking along a street one day when a fellow on the top level of a tall parking garage hung over the edge and shouted down to me. 

  “Nice socks!” he exclaimed. I looked up and smiled.  

Since then, socks continue to lift my spirits. Here’s a tip: When you want a closer look at someone’s true self, forget underwear. Check out his or her sock drawer. 

I can laugh at my many unconventional ways, good habits, bad ones, and how some might change as I age. I’m aware of all the joys and absurdities vital to who I am. That’s what I call my authentic self.    

Annie Culver developed a knack for unearthing oddball characters and improbable events as a staff writer for various newspapers. In the early 90s, she went to work for websites where she wrote sassy essays aimed at women. In recent years, she morphed into a writer for several universities in the Northwest. She retired in 2016, yet still enjoys freelancing. 

How to Be Authentic: Simone de Beauvoir and the Quest for Fulfillment

The post Rubber Chickens and Other Quirks That Make Me, Me appeared first on 3rd Act Magazine.

“Grandparenting isn’t a parent redo—that ship has sailed,” Coffield says. “You already had your shot to parent, but grandparenting is an entirely new gig.” 

The founder of The Culinary CureTM, Coffield, 66, has been in the women’s culinary wellness space for two decades. A chef since her college days, Coffield had a catering company for many years. She switched her focus to food as medicine when her mom’s cancer came back in 2009. Coffield also developed healthy subscription meal plans for high-performing athletes and executives—this was way before Blue Apron. Most recently, she coached women going through midlife changes to energize their lives.  

About a year ago, when she became a grandparent for the second time, Coffield shared a video on Instagram that catapulted her in a new direction.  

“I posted a video of me picking up a baby, holding a baby, sitting down on the floor, and standing up without using my hands,” Coffield says. “I talked about the importance of being fit for grandparenting, and the Instagram reel went viral.” 

It now has 1.2 million views, one of six or seven of hers in the millions of views category. 

“It struck a chord with women who hadn’t been motivated to get fit and be healthy,” she said. “Women tend to put everybody else first, but when you put self-care in the context of being a better grandparent, it’s a different story.” 

According to Coffield, active grandparents are more capable—they have more mobility, stability, flexibility, and strength—and are more in-demand as you become a helpful contributor to your children and their families. Being fit—physically, emotionally, and psychologically—will not only help you to grandparent better but also it will help you age better.  

It’s a game changer for grandparents and Coffield’s career.  

“Parents are overwhelmed and stressed out,” she explains. “When we can show up as a helpful support system, it changes our relationship with our kids and in turn gives us more access to the grandchildren.” 

“Your kids don’t want your advice—they can get all the parenting advice they need in two seconds on the internet—they want your help,” she continues. “This is a new job with a new job description and a new boss.”  

Coffield created the Active Grandparenting 101 training program, an online course with videos, worksheets, and resources on wellness, exercise, communication, tech, and family activities and recipes. She is, after all, still a chef. She also put together an Active Grandparenting Cookbook, and, twice a year, runs a virtual 21-day active grandparenting wellness reset. Hydration is a huge part of her platform. 

“Hydration affects your sleep, your mood, and your energy,” she explains. “If you can’t get hydrated, you’re going to have a hard time because you won’t have the muscle pliability that it takes to get up and down off the floor 50 times a day.” 

On Grandfluencing 

A year ago, Coffield’s email got a ton of new subscribers. Her Instagram, which went from 20,000 to 215,000 engaged followers, also blew up. Her audience likes that she is a real person, who understands their struggles and challenges.  

“There’s a big learning curve for embracing modern grandparenting, but grandparents—especially grandmothers—want this information,” she explains. “What’s really interesting is for this demographic on Instagram, a lot of these accounts are private. Most of these women are on Instagram for information.” 

Since the kids of GenXers and Baby Boomers are getting married later and having kids later, her followers are becoming grandparents later.  

“Since they’re older when becoming grandparents for the first time, people are highly motivated to get healthy and get in shape,” she says. “That way, they have more years to spend with this new, delightful human that’s just come into their lives.” 

For third act-ers who’ve got something to say and want to develop an Instagram following, Coffield suggests starting with a good mindset. Social media can make you feel bad, when you compare yourself—and your follower count—with other people. 

“I was on Instagram for a solid decade, working really hard to reach my audience, so I could share incredible value,” Coffield recalls. “I bet I had 3,500 posts on my Instagram, not including my live videos and my stories, so I’m no overnight success. I worked hard for a long time before ever getting noticed.” 

If you decide to go on social media, Coffield believes it’s vital to really know who you’re talking to—you can’t talk to everyone—and to understand who will resonate with your message, if you can. 

“Before Active Grandparenting, I was using Instagram to talk about how women could use fasting as a tool to live younger, longer, and better,” she recalls. “I had a whole angle with reverse fasting because I don’t think anybody should go through the whole day without eating. I got a little traction with that and then a lot of traction with the grandparenting angle.” 

Coffield is a perfect example of niching down. 

“When I went from targeting women over 50 to active grandparents, suddenly I was resonating with my demographics,” she says. “Suddenly all those people who I worked so hard to create messaging for could hear me because now I was speaking their language.”  

Coffield’s friend, a meditation specialist, had a message too broad for her to get any traction. Once she niched down and focused on how to use meditation to combat the stress of artificial intelligence, she noticed a vast improvement. 

“You can’t speak to the masses, you have to speak to your narrow margin of people,” Coffield says. “When you do that, it’s easier for them to find you.” 

Then, of course, you need to put yourself out there. For most people, that’s the biggest stumbling block. 

“Whether it’s becoming a social media influencer or losing five pounds, the first step is to decide to do it,” Coffield says. “Then, you tell everybody, so you can’t back out … and you figure it out.” 

When Coffield first went on Instagram, her children were horrified. “They’re like, ‘Mom, you can’t say that, you can’t do that on Instagram,’” she recalls. “And I’m like, ‘Well, why not?’ I just did it and learned along the way.” 

Part of being a social media influencer, at any age, is becoming a brand. Coffield says to take a good photo—even a selfie—and make sure it’s distinctive.  

“Pick some colors you like that pop on your little avatar and create a good bio,” she says. “People who want to follow you need to know why and what you are offering.” 

For instance, Coffield’s Instagram is @KristenCoffield, and you can tell from her bio what she does and who she serves. She offers a free hydration training, so people can take action right away. And her posts and videos offer value on her expertise. 

“The biggest mistake that people make on social media is not educating their followers or people who just find them on who they are,” she says.  

“People are on Instagram either to be entertained or to gain knowledge, so decide what it is you’re doing and do it,” Coffield continues. “Don’t be shy about letting people know how you can help them and don’t be shy about self-promotion—that is what Instagram is. It’s truly a marketing tool.” 

You Are Never Too Old 

Whether it’s a new endeavor or a social media persona, don’t limit yourself. It’s never too late to try something new.  

“First of all, every day is a miracle that you get to wake up and have another day,” Coffield says. “You can just wake up tomorrow and decide to be the next Grandma Moses of painting.” 

Coffield believes the best time to decide to do something new is first thing in the morning. She has her own powerful, 15-minute routine. 

“The first thing I do when I wake up in those first seconds is I acknowledge that I am awake,” she explains. “I take a deep breath and I flip the switch from my subconscious unconscious mind into my conscious mind where the first thoughts that I feed my mind are positive. 

“I think about all the exciting opportunities for my day.” 

Whatever you feed your mind and body is so powerful. Positive thoughts lead to good things. The opposite is also true.  

“Let’s say, your alarm goes off, but you go back to sleep. Now you’re late,” she says. “Next thing, the shampoo bottle drops on your toe, then you run into the kitchen and spill coffee. You get in your car and it seems like you hit every red light,” she says. “That day is not going to get better because you set into motion the negative.” 

When you flip the switch and feed your mind positivity—affirmations, positive self-talk—those thoughts become your reality.  

“More people smile at you in a store, the person in front of you in line buys you a cup of coffee, you get a parking meter that’s already got money on it, you hit all the green lights,” Coffield says. “That’s how it works.”  

You’re never too old. It’s never too late. 

“Life is not linear, it’s circular,” Coffield says. “Every day, when you wake up, it’s the beginning of the circle. The mistake we make is thinking it’s linear and we’re running out of time instead of seeing it as circular and that every day is a fresh start.” 

Debra Eckerling is a freelance writer, goal-strategist, workshop leader, and award-winning author and podcaster. The creator of The DEB Method for Goal-Setting Simplified, Eckerling hosts the GoalChat and Taste Buds with Deb podcasts and is the author of Your Goal Guide and 52 Secrets for Goal-Setting and Goal-Getting. 

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